You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
