Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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