One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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