I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
