I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
