I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
