My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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