just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
