so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
