I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize