Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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