Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
