A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
