He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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