Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
