oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize