lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
