did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
