we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
