I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
