So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
