Small penises have feelings too.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
