this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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