capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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