We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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