I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
