So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
