2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize