He is such a slut. More and more my type.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
