Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
