people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize