i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
