my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize