listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
