I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
