Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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