If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
