So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
