Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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