Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
