After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
