Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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