Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
