i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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