road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
