I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
