dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
