then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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