if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Randomize
