Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
