Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
