I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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