Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
