She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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