Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize