I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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