when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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