She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize