I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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