just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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