you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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