Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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